Today we’d like to introduce you to Annie Allen.
Hi Annie, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I spent most of my life being the person women came to when their lives or relationships were falling apart. Even before I had the title or credentials, I was being called on when people needed help thinking clearly in crisis, navigating hard conversations, or figuring out what to do next.
After my own divorce eight years ago, I got into real estate and quickly found myself specializing in divorce transitions. The deeper I got into that world, the more I discovered the need was not just helping people buy or sell a house during divorce. The real need was earlier, before things became adversarial, expensive, and emotionally damaging.
That realization led me to pivot into full-time divorce support, becoming a Certified Divorce Coach® and Kansas Supreme Court Certified Mediator, and launching the Starting Over Stronger Podcast in 2020. I wanted to step in earlier to help couples at all conflict levels take a more measured, centered approach rather than defaulting to the well-worn path of litigated divorce.
I often say the only thing standing between you and a finalized divorce is an agreement on the terms, and that is also what allows you to most easily move on to co-parent well. So the question becomes: what makes more sense? Paying two attorneys to spend months email-negotiating your agreement for you, or sitting down together before anything is filed with a trauma-informed neutral third party to guide you through agreements you can both feel good about?
Mediation is not always easy, but it has been my experience that most couples are far more capable of resolution than they may feel they are. They often just need the right support and structure around them. Sadly, most people facing divorce have no idea mediated divorce is an option.
My mediated divorce approach is very grounded and human. I am not there to sit inside their conflict nor to force outcomes. I simply hold space for people to slow things down enough to think clearly, communicate more effectively, and make decisions they can actually live with long term. Upon request, that can even happens in two separate rooms through a process called shuttle mediation.
Even while I am fully immersed in divorce mediation work, I am also building two additional pathways for healing: post-divorce retreats for women healing from a lifetime of being everything to everyone but themselves, and a nonprofit focused on helping those stuck in unhealthy marriage without access to the support they need to leave after decades of psychological or financial dependence. My long-term vision is to create a safe place where people find freedom, healing, and long-term self-sufficiency. I welcome opportunities to speak to small and large groups about navigating transition well.
At the core of everything I do is the belief that people are far more capable than they may feel at advocating well for themselves, even as they navigate difficult but necessary endings. They may just need someone to sit beside them and help them take the next right steps to create a life they can truly love.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Not even close. But honestly, I think that is part of what allows me to do this work with the level of compassion and realism that I do.
One of the biggest struggles has been building a divorce coaching and mediation business centered around a topic most people hope they never need and may have never heard of. Divorce is deeply emotional, highly stigmatized, and often entered into in survival mode. People are grieving while also trying to make enormous financial and legal decisions, and many have no idea mediation or coaching even exists as first step options.
There is also a very real challenge in building work that exists between emotional support and the legal system while being neither therapy nor legal representation. Yet, a critical gap. In many divorces, the biggest issue is not the legal process itself, but the breakdown of communication. A core part of my work has been helping people understand that early mediation is a communication process that creates structure, reduces conflict, and helps people move through divorce in a healthier and more collaborative way instead of automatically preparing for war. And yes, it works even in higher conflict situations.
On a personal level, my own life experiences have absolutely shaped this path too. I know what it feels like to rebuild, to question yourself, to feel emotionally exhausted, and to rediscover who you are after major life changes. I know exactly what it feels like to think you have fully shed the skin of a past version of yourself you never wanted to become again, only to realize another shedding is underway. Growth is rarely a one-time transformation. It happens in layers.
Financially and emotionally, entrepreneurship is rarely smooth either, especially when you are building something deeply purpose-driven from the ground up while simultaneously navigating life’s own transitions and reinventions. There have been moments of uncertainty, setbacks, grief, pivots, and rebuilding.
But I think one of the most important things I have learned is that meaningful work is rarely built in a straight line. A lot of what makes me effective with my clients has come directly from walking through hard seasons myself, learning how to stay grounded inside uncertainty, and discovering that healing and rebuilding are almost never linear processes.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your business?
Starting Over Stronger Divorce Concierge was created for people who want a more peaceful, thoughtful, and human-centered approach to divorce. While I work with couples across all conflict levels, I tend to attract people who know they do not want to destroy each other in the process, even if communication has broken down or emotions are running high.
I specialize in trauma-informed divorce mediation and divorce coaching, particularly for self-representing spouses who are trying to stay out of unnecessary litigation whenever possible and those who are already in the midst of a high-conflict litigated divorce and need more support than their attorney offers. My role is to help people move through one of the hardest seasons of their lives with more clarity, less fear, better communication, and often significantly less financial devastation, so they can show up as their Best Self whether or not they are represented by an attorney.
One thing that sets me apart is that I step in very early in the process, often before anything has even been filed. By the time many couples reach attorneys, they are often already emotionally flooded and positioned against one another. I help create a calmer starting point where people can slow down, gather information, understand their options, and begin working toward agreements from a more regulated and collaborative place.
Another thing that makes my approach different is that I genuinely see the human beings underneath the conflict. I think many people entering divorce feel like they are expected to immediately become enemies, and I reject that framework entirely. Even in high conflict situations, there is usually pain, fear, grief, misunderstanding, or nervous system dysregulation underneath the surface for both partners. That does not excuse harmful behavior, but it does change how conversations can be facilitated.
I also believe strongly that mediation does not have to look one specific way. Some couples sit at the same table. Others use shuttle mediation and stay in separate rooms. Some clients only need a few sessions to create a complete agreement. Others need more support and pacing. My job is not to force a formula. It is to help create the conditions where resolution becomes possible.
What I am most proud of brand-wise is that people consistently tell me they feel emotionally safe with me. In a world where divorce often becomes transactional, adversarial, or performative, I have intentionally built a brand centered around grounded support, dignity, emotional intelligence, and practical resolution.
Can you talk to us about how you think about risk?
I am willing to take meaningful risks when staying the same starts costing more than change. I think that is why I love my work in this field. I help people do just that.
For me, the biggest risks in life have been relational, emotional, and identity-level risks. Leaving situations that looked “fine” from the outside but no longer aligned internally. Starting over professionally in a field that many people still do not fully understand. Building a business centered around mediation and emotional intelligence in a culture that often rewards conflict, posturing, and litigation. Those are all risks.
One of the biggest professional risks I took was walking away from the more traditional and predictable path I had built in real estate to create a business focused entirely around divorce mediation and coaching. At the time, many people did not understand why I would narrow my focus into something so emotionally heavy and unconventional. The most common refrain when I tell someone what I do is something incredulous like, “better you than me” or “that must be heavy work.” But I had already seen firsthand how badly people needed support earlier in the process before everything escalated into warfare, and it’s not heavy work for me. It is incredibly rewarding work. Every day I get to help people find a middle ground they can both feel good about. What’s better than that?
Another major risk has simply been allowing myself to evolve publicly. I think many people stay trapped in identities they outgrew years ago because they are afraid of disappointing people, looking inconsistent, or having to start over. I understand that fear deeply, but I also think there comes a point where not changing becomes its own kind of risk. As someone who thinks very long and hard before making any major change, once I know something is no longer aligned, I have learned to trust myself enough to move toward what feels more true, even when there are no guarantees attached to that decision.
I also think risk looks very different depending on where someone is standing. For a woman who has spent decades psychologically, emotionally, or financially dependent on marriage, simply speaking up for herself can feel like an enormous risk. Asking for a consultation can feel like a risk. Choosing peace with uncertainty over perceived security with prolonged conflict can feel like a risk. I have a lot of compassion for that.
At this point in my life, I think I view risk less as something to avoid and more as something to evaluate honestly. Some risks destroy us. Others introduce us to parts of ourselves we would have never met otherwise.
Pricing:
- Mediation packages start at $1,250
- Coaching packages start at $750
- Starting Over Stronger Podcast FREE!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.startingoverstronger.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/startingoverstronger
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SOSDivorce
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anniejallensos/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCArAGt5dtbh0GOCa8qy3neg
