Today we’d like to introduce you to Jamie Spence.
Jamie, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
In 2017 I became pregnant for the first time with a set of di/di male twins. While I am a twin and so is my mother, the news still came as a little bit of a shock, and then immediate overwhelm as their father and I started adding up all of the “double” items we would need, including a more kid-friendly vehicle. The pregnancy itself was uneventful, great even. I recall the enhanced smell of blooms in the spring and all the overwhelming simultaneous cravings of salty and sweet – a true representation of the two halves I hosted in my belly. There were no scares during my pregnancy and all progressed well and naturally. I had hopes for a vaginal birth and not the “guaranteed c-section” for multiples. In fact, both boys remained head down for the entirety of the pregnancy until one twin completely flipped the week before my due date. The little alien form pushing against my abdomen as it found room to rotate in such a crowded space can still be seen clear as day in my mind. I wondered what this rotation would mean for me and if I could still deliver vaginally as I had planned. My OBGYN assured me that a manipulation may be possible, but on the day of my scheduled delivery date at 38 weeks and 5 days all was forgotten and I was not offered the manipulation. Talk of a cesarean section, a known plan B, quickly became our next course of action as my babies were totaling 13# and the day had come. I recall being rolled into the delivery room and shaking from head to toe, even after delivery of the spinal anesthesia. I thought that surely they would stop the operation because I could feel the shaking in my extremities, fearful my movement may cause a surgical mishap. The shaking was never addressed and may have been an internal sensation entirely, but my CRNA was fantastic and guided my spouse and I through each step of the process and announced what was happening when each step was met. However, nothing reassured me more than hearing the cry of my first baby, and then the second. My peach-fuzz-y headed firstborn was laid on my chest first before being taken to be weighed and washed. I caught a glimpse of my second-born out of the corner of my left eye, dark hair wild and long and brushed backward. He had been a little purple initially but warmed quickly and responded well. He was placed on my chest, too. After being sewn up, one babe in each arm, I was wheeled back to my room in the bed. Skin to skin began immediately along with my first attempt to nurse. All was well until I began to sit up and immediately began vomiting. I did this multiple times during that first day, not realizing in that moment I was hypovolemic and my hemoglobin had dropped 4 g/dL in the short span of delivering my children. During my 5-day stay in the hospital I struggled to stay awake, focus, get out of bed, produce milk (hello anemia) and remember all the wet diapers and feeds. I relied heavily on my husband to fill in the where I could not respond, and he was very hands-on where I could not be. During one of the days, I learned my hemoglobin was 7.3 and I asked for a blood transfusion because I was feeling symptomatic. I was told this would be addressed, but was only later told I was denied. I did eventually discharge home with an iron supplement and vitamin c. What followed next was a downward spiral of spontaneous tears and feelings of apathy as I lacked the energy to tend to myself and my children. Cries left me feeling numb and angry. My response times were slow, I was sleep deprived, and I even hallucinated one morning (known as a hypnopompic hallucination) where I thought I saw one of my baby’s deceased in my bed. Within that first month of giving birth I would later learn baby blues had given way to a postpartum depression I could not see myself out of, and every day scary thoughts related to driving and not waking up began to filter through my mind. I began to believe my children would be better off without me and that I was going to ruin them. Around the 3 months postpartum I returned to work in the ICU as an RN and my co-workers hosted a little birthday celebration shortly after. A. co-worker wrote in my birthday card, “You are a wonderful mother with a lot of love to give” and I knew I did but I couldn’t feel it. I desperately wanted to absorb those words and I could tell in that moment I had not been myself, and was so prompted to call my OBGYN and tell him I was having suicidal ideation while being fully convinced he would send me to an ER somewhere. I was a nurse after all and understood how this process worked. I was also fearful my kids would be removed from my home and simultaneously so tired of suffering while not knowing what to do. He empathetically reassured me I had done nothing wrong and quickly got me connected with a counselor he knew personally. He sent me on a path to healing that would also include medication, regular therapy, and gleaning the internet for any resource I could find to help me understand what I was experiencing postpartum and how to heal. It was during this time I recognized a lack of perinatal mental health trained providers in my area and vowed to do address that need. Once I became pregnant a second time with my third child, I pursued my perinatal mental health certification and several months after completing my certification, I was offered a dream job on a mental health hotline serving the perinatal population. This was just the beginning…
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
The road was not smooth but the Lord did provide.
I experienced a high conflict marriage that eventually led to a separation and subsequent divorce from my then-husband. During this time I was receiving regular coaching and was encouraged to develop a new dream for myself after my dream of a successful marriage died. Buried deep within was the dream to provide support to those who struggled as I had. The desire to return to school for my master’s degree was always present but I did not have the time to pursue this passion previously. However, since I had to be up at 3 am 4x/week for hotline shift work, I decided I would enroll for my Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner through Frontier Nursing University and pass those slow early morning hours studying. I eventually completed my program while going through a divorce, a move to a new home, and some attempts to sabotage my efforts. Finances were a concern and just when I thought I would not have enough to move or pay for school, I was blessed with what I needed at the right time. My faith was challenged and fortified during this transition period.
As you know, we’re big fans of Strong Water LLC. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about the brand?
Strong Water LLC exists to serve anyone struggling with their mental health, with specific focus on perinatal mental health and wellness, including prescribing during the pregnant and postpartum period. The name came about in researching what or who a mother is, and I really settled on the definition of “mother” in the Hebrew. In the original pictographic script, read from right to left as Ima and pronounced “ehm”, is the first letter of mother- a picture of an ox. As the ox is strong, the letter also has the meaning of strong. The second letter represents water and the two letters together gives us the meaning “strong water.” The Hebrews made glue by boiling animals skins in water. As the skin broke down, a sticky thick liquid formed at the surface of the water. This thick liquid was removed and used as a binding agent – “strong water.” This is the meaning of the Hebrew word “mother,” the one who “binds” the family together. A mother carries this holy strength that binds hearts, steadies dreams, provides foundational strength and gives life. All women are Strong Water – carriers of Heaven’s life-giving glue.
While perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (aka PMADs) are very common, effecting 1 in 5 women, there is hope for healing and these mood disorders are treatable. Mom deserves to have the support she needs so she can show up for her family in the ways that are meaningful to her, facilitate bonding, and promote overall health within the home and the community. If mom is not doing well, the impact can be felt not just inside the home, but throughout society, and can create a large negative economical impact. According to the CDC, MMH conditions (suicide and overdose) are the leading cause of pregnancy-related death (maternal mortality). and 20% of maternal deaths are due to suicide. In our fast-paced and busy society, my prayer is that mom will begin a journey of healing so she does not become just another statistic.
PMADs extend beyond postpartum depression and encompasses mood and anxiety disorders that began during pregnancy (and may have been brewing under the surface prior), as well as postpartum. These disorders can include anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, bipolar illness and psychosis (a true medical emergency). I also see adoptive mothers, those that have experienced loss and grief, and those healing from trauma during the birthing process.
My practice is not limited to serving perinatal women and their support persons and I welcome all mental health related concerns spanning from teens to adults.
We’d love to hear about any fond memories you have from when you were growing up?
My favorite childhood memory takes me back to 5th grade when I was beginning school in Texas. We had just moved to a new home with acreage and I had always desired to own a horse, as is the dream of most little girls! My dad had a Ford pick-up that he drove daily and one evening he told me that if I wanted the truck someday, I needed to help take care of it. So, he asked me to go out and clean it. I thought the request was a bit odd but I wanted the truck and when I opened the passenger side door of that F.150, there on the floorboard was a saddle! I ran in the house so excited because I knew what it meant! That saddle, though I eventually ended up getting one that fit me better, began the process of realizing my first dream, horse ownership.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://care.headway.co/providers/jamie-spence?utm_source=pem&utm_medium=direct_link&utm_campaign=188899
- Other: https://member.psychologytoday.com/us/profile
